My daughter Dominique and I went to Byron Bay for a holiday last year. My BFF Tania and her daughter Olympia were also staying in Byron. Dom & I stayed at a 5* boutique hotel which only accommodation is Penthouses situated on the beach. Sting had stayed in our penthouse. I don't want to mention the name of the hotel for fear of getting the man in this story the sack.
We check in and I eat one of my 'special' cookies that I have prepared in Melbourne, can't get busted for flying with chocolate chip cookies. Takes an hour to take effect. I'm feeling real good now, sitting on my pink daybed watching the ocean listening to Michael Jackson.
I get bored and want to have a chat to someone other than my daughter, who is constantly telling me how 'inappropriate' I am. I go down to the little reception area to talk to Julie the receptionist, as I'm chatting away, (don't forget I'm stoned from the cookie) I hear a Irish voice from behind her, I say who is that? and a cute guy steps out and says Hi! he has a pink shirt on and shorts. I tell him I love his accent and he is cute. Then I run back upstairs. I tell Dominique, I just saw a spunk, and I forget about him. Short term memory loss is really short term when you are on a cookie.
Next thing Dominique says hello to someone in our suite, it's the maintenance guy, I'm dancing to MJ not taking any notice. Dom says "Mum look he has a tattoo of Marilyn Monroe", I'm like WTF! where? I'm interested again because I have a lot of INK, I ask him where is Marilyn, he shows me, she is on his leg, I'm impressed. A man who is so comfortable with his masculinity that he wears a pink polo shirt and has a full leg of Marilyn on him. We chat and compare INK. I don't even ask why he was in our suite.
Next day Dom & I go to The Balcony, I get drunk on vodka marguritas and eat another cookie. When we return to our hotel, i'm completely out of it, no need to go into the gorey details, but my friend the receptionist and our butler come rushing up, I don't know WTF is going on till i'm told the next day by my daughter.
Apparently I was so fcuked up that I played MJ so loud that everyone in the restaurant below our penthouse had to listen to him for hours. In a 5* place like this you can do just about anything and it's cool because you are paying so much. The reason the staff came running up was because I smashed a glass on the marble floor and it made them think their was a fight happening in our suite. I have no memory of any of this. I was on the floor and they carried me to the bed vomiting as I go. I woke up in a awful mess. Daughter NOT impressed AGAIN!
Next day Dom goes para sailing, it's 10am, i'm feeling good, no hangover because I only drink white spirits. I eat a cookie and wait for it to take effect. OMG! a while later the maintenance man is in my penthouse again, I don't even think this is strange. We start talking, he is only 40 and looks like a cross between a young Paul Hogan and Pierce Brosnan, I tell him this. Somehow we start talking about SEX. I tell him I'm over sex haven't had a fcuk in 10 years. He nearly collapsed, couldn't believe what I was saying. I'm used to it, but obviousely other people think that 10 years is a long time. He immediately says "come on lets do it" I'm like "do what?" i'm 5 minutes behind everything he is saying because I'm really stoned on 2 cookies, a quarter of one of my cookies will put most people in a coma.
After I realise he is serious I say "no way", he insists, I say "let me think about it overnight and I'll tell you tomorrow". He says "NO it has to be now, I don't work tomorrow". He is putting the pressure on and I'm actually thinking, maybe I will. So I did.
Maintenance man bent me over the big black leather chair and gave me a serve, lasted 2 minutes, then everything was back to normal, like nothing had happened. He took off and I was left standing their stunned. I have to share immediately. I ring Tania who is staying near by. I scream I just fcuked the maintenance man, she is in shock. T says me and Limp are on our way over. Dominique arrives back I tell her what I just did, she is not surprised. Tania and Limp arrive and we are all screaming about what has just happened. Laughing hysterically. They want details and my daughter pipes up and says "I hooked mum up with him", I'm like "WTF! are you kidding me Dom" she says "nope dead serious", why do you think I made you look at his Marilyn tattoo, I knew you would be interested after you saw this. She was right, so apart from my random maintenance man who only took 2 minutes on me, I have not had sex in 10 years.
We check in and I eat one of my 'special' cookies that I have prepared in Melbourne, can't get busted for flying with chocolate chip cookies. Takes an hour to take effect. I'm feeling real good now, sitting on my pink daybed watching the ocean listening to Michael Jackson.
I get bored and want to have a chat to someone other than my daughter, who is constantly telling me how 'inappropriate' I am. I go down to the little reception area to talk to Julie the receptionist, as I'm chatting away, (don't forget I'm stoned from the cookie) I hear a Irish voice from behind her, I say who is that? and a cute guy steps out and says Hi! he has a pink shirt on and shorts. I tell him I love his accent and he is cute. Then I run back upstairs. I tell Dominique, I just saw a spunk, and I forget about him. Short term memory loss is really short term when you are on a cookie.
Next thing Dominique says hello to someone in our suite, it's the maintenance guy, I'm dancing to MJ not taking any notice. Dom says "Mum look he has a tattoo of Marilyn Monroe", I'm like WTF! where? I'm interested again because I have a lot of INK, I ask him where is Marilyn, he shows me, she is on his leg, I'm impressed. A man who is so comfortable with his masculinity that he wears a pink polo shirt and has a full leg of Marilyn on him. We chat and compare INK. I don't even ask why he was in our suite.
Next day Dom & I go to The Balcony, I get drunk on vodka marguritas and eat another cookie. When we return to our hotel, i'm completely out of it, no need to go into the gorey details, but my friend the receptionist and our butler come rushing up, I don't know WTF is going on till i'm told the next day by my daughter.
Apparently I was so fcuked up that I played MJ so loud that everyone in the restaurant below our penthouse had to listen to him for hours. In a 5* place like this you can do just about anything and it's cool because you are paying so much. The reason the staff came running up was because I smashed a glass on the marble floor and it made them think their was a fight happening in our suite. I have no memory of any of this. I was on the floor and they carried me to the bed vomiting as I go. I woke up in a awful mess. Daughter NOT impressed AGAIN!
Next day Dom goes para sailing, it's 10am, i'm feeling good, no hangover because I only drink white spirits. I eat a cookie and wait for it to take effect. OMG! a while later the maintenance man is in my penthouse again, I don't even think this is strange. We start talking, he is only 40 and looks like a cross between a young Paul Hogan and Pierce Brosnan, I tell him this. Somehow we start talking about SEX. I tell him I'm over sex haven't had a fcuk in 10 years. He nearly collapsed, couldn't believe what I was saying. I'm used to it, but obviousely other people think that 10 years is a long time. He immediately says "come on lets do it" I'm like "do what?" i'm 5 minutes behind everything he is saying because I'm really stoned on 2 cookies, a quarter of one of my cookies will put most people in a coma.
After I realise he is serious I say "no way", he insists, I say "let me think about it overnight and I'll tell you tomorrow". He says "NO it has to be now, I don't work tomorrow". He is putting the pressure on and I'm actually thinking, maybe I will. So I did.
Maintenance man bent me over the big black leather chair and gave me a serve, lasted 2 minutes, then everything was back to normal, like nothing had happened. He took off and I was left standing their stunned. I have to share immediately. I ring Tania who is staying near by. I scream I just fcuked the maintenance man, she is in shock. T says me and Limp are on our way over. Dominique arrives back I tell her what I just did, she is not surprised. Tania and Limp arrive and we are all screaming about what has just happened. Laughing hysterically. They want details and my daughter pipes up and says "I hooked mum up with him", I'm like "WTF! are you kidding me Dom" she says "nope dead serious", why do you think I made you look at his Marilyn tattoo, I knew you would be interested after you saw this. She was right, so apart from my random maintenance man who only took 2 minutes on me, I have not had sex in 10 years.
No comments:
Post a Comment